I remember it clearly. I was in my office watching teaching videos from the parenting program "Circle of Security' which I had done 4 years prior, when I suddenly understood what the miscue was.
According to Circle of Security, a Miscue is where we demonstrate behaviours to others which usually drive them to do the exact opposite of what we actually need. For example, a child who is upset but who miscues that he is fine will have the effect of pushing the parent away.
In this spiderman comic clip, Peter Parker directs his anger and grief at the loss of his girlfriend to Mary Jane. Ordinarily, anyone being at the receiving end would walk away. Here however, Mary Jane recognises Peter's underlying need and stays with him rather than leave.
When we are met by confronting behaviours, asking ourselves what the underlying need beneath those behaviours can go a long way towards consolidating healthy relationships, whether they be with our friends, our partners or our children.
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